Today's Writing Tip Is on What With

Lately I've been running into a number of sentences that use the term "what with." For example, "I've been super busy this semester what with taking care of the kids and doing my online accounting course." Or "I can't afford to take the family to a movie what with the high cost of admission and the price of popcorn and sodas. Better to stay home and watch a DVD, especially on these cold nights."

I don't see the point of adding the word "what" when the sentences will work perfectly well without it and will be much cleaner. For example, "I've been super busy this semester with taking care of the kids and doing my online accounting course." In that instance, you could also remove the word "with," making this sentence read, "I've been super busy this semester taking care of the kids and doing my online accounting course." But the second sentence reads better with the word "with." "I can't afford to take the family to a movie with the high cost of admission…"

Whenever you can make a sentence more concise and less wordy, do it.

Sigrid Macdonald is a manuscript editor and the author of three books. Find her at http://sigridmacdonald.blogspot.com/  

Today's Writing Tip Is on Women Criminals

The other day I heard someone talking about women criminals. The term is awkward for two reasons: first, it's wrong because we want to use the adjective female instead of the word women. Second, it implies, however subtly, that criminals are men.

This is not a matter of political correctness but rather of accuracy. The same could be said for Jewish dentists or teenage mothers. Sometimes clarifying one's ethnicity or age is crucial to our story, but other times it's irrelevant and can seem patronizing, sexist, or racist. Female driver is a good one since it is often used in the pejorative.

Before you specify someone's race, gender, age, or disability, ask yourself if it's really necessary for the reader to know that the grocer is Indian or the postal worker (can't say postman anymore!) is Asian. If it's essential information, you want to provide it, but use caution when employing these potentially hot button terms.

Sigrid Macdonald is an editor and the author of three books, including Be Your Own Editor. Find her at http://sigridmacdonald.blogspot.com/