Here's an example: "I don't plan on coming
back," Jonathan said aloud, thinking to himself silently. That's an obvious no-no.
It’s either one or the other – you say something out loud or you think it to
yourself; you don't do both.
What other problems are there with that sentence?
Redundancy. Two redundancies, in fact. It's not necessary to say, "thinking to
himself" because who else was he thinking to? You could just say, "Jonathan
thought." And there is no need to say, "Thinking to himself silently"
because all thoughts are silent.
Usually when we make these kinds of boneheaded
mistakes, it's when we're writing our first or second draft. Don't worry about
them when you're getting your story down. It's when you go back to refine your
blog post, article, or manuscript that you want to keep a keen eye for
contradictions and redundancies.
Sigrid Macdonald is the author of three books,
including Be Your Own Editor http://tinyurl.com/7wnk5se and two
erotic short stories, which she wrote under the pen name Tiffanie Good. Silver
Publishing just released "The Pink Triangle," a tale of friendship,
lust, and betrayal. You can view her story here: http://tinyurl.com/6v65rgr
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